Cowplain

Named after a spotted cow and a field, which tells you roughly everything before you've even pulled off the A3. It's the village version of doing exactly what it says on the tin: post-war semis, four in five mortgaged, the kind of place where the most exciting thing this decade was the bypass getting busier. Not Petersfield, never going to be, and the people who live here stopped pretending otherwise around 1985. Cheaper than the village up the road that thinks it's somewhere, quieter than the town down the road that knows it isn't, and entirely unbothered by either.